Why is this so hard?

I am not discussing photography today so feel free to move along. I am going to rant about book publishing and my journey to nowhere.

I wrote my post divorce memoir in 2017. I thought it was good to go. I was wrong. I had writer friends and journalist friends edit it. We worked on it. I thought it was good to go. Wrong again! I queried literary agents and got no interest. I rewrote the book as a novel. Maybe a romance would be more marketable than a memoir by someone who isn’t famous, didn’t overcome a debilitating illness and had a relatively normal childhood. Wrong again.

“A romance has a happy ending,” said one agent. But it was a happy ending, the heroine just didn’t end up with guy she thought she would. Plot twist.

I vented on a page for writers and a well known (to me) author suggested a professional editor to me. After a meeting with this editor, I was back to a memoir. After some tight editing my story was more focused and less rambling. She loved the voice, relatable. She loved the sex, real. The story had hope and was something that women should be reading. Life does not end because of a divorce. Being alone and independent can be overrated but it’s manageable. Let’s shout it from the mountain top!

I sent it out again. One agent gave it to her intern who gave me feedback. “It reads more like a romance than a memoir,” this twenty-something Vassar post grad wrote in the rejection email. So memoirs can’t have romance? I pressed on. I have sent queries to about 50 agents with no luck. I have been sending to women agents mostly because I am not sure a man would get it. That seems sexist of me though. He’d dig the sex bits for sure. Finding existing work to compare my memoir to seems impossible. I have not found a similar story. Seems like that should be a plus right? Nope.

I read. I read books that get sent to the newspaper for review. I read books that seem similar to my story but not the same. I read books that are fun and make me laugh and scream, “Me too!!” when they talk about dating after 45. I read horribly written books. I read first memoirs, seemingly published because they have friends who are agents, but would not be published otherwise. Post divorce memoirs where the heroine never worked because her ex paid for everything, even her vacations. Post divorce novels where the heroine had a great job, brownstone in NYC and a nanny. I was having a hard time feeling any sympathy for the divorce trials she was going through.

Self publishing? My editor says no. She knows I can break through. Send out essays, get some buzz. Truth be told, I would rather make mosaics and play with my horses than write an essay. She believes in me though so I keep pushing forward. I tell stories at storytelling shows. That is an essay in oral form, right? I have a show in a couple nights here in Austin. A show of ghost stories. I can’t wait to hear other people’s stories. I know storytelling won’t really help get me the buzz I need to have an agent take notice. It is more fun than sending out queries though.

I understand as an agent, taking a chance on an unknown is a risk. You want a name or a celeb, ok sometimes your friend is easier to take on than an unknown author. Older established agents would get this book, the story is relatable but they have too much clout to take it on. A younger agent is from a different world. The story does not gel. Why would a younger dude be into a woman 15 years older when women his age are obviously hotter? I know I used to be critical of women over 45 who could not be bothered to put on at least mascara when they left the house. As a 30 yr old, I thought, “How lazy is that?” I get it now.

So I have this book, a memoir about what happened in my life when I was broken. I hired a handyman to fix things around the house and he ended up fixing me. He was much younger, dressed funny and lived in a yurt. He was a healer then and still is now, even though he is not in my life anymore. There is emotion, sex, life drama and animal symbolism. It shows that we are all stronger than we know and sometimes need to say yes when our practical self says no.

Getting a book published really should not be this difficult. I guess in an age of TicTok, Instagram, and YouTube, everyone has a story and anyone can be a star but you still need to be chosen and create the buzz. Maybe I should start being in front of the camera instead of behind it. Maybe I’ll read the book and create a podcast in my closet.