Closing Time

Oh Big Stacy pool, you never disappoint. Today was kind of calm most of the day. Few families but many lap swimmers.

There is a man who is a regular. He is attractive and slim. He usually comes by himself. He has a stupid haircut that I think he thinks makes him look cool but since he is over 50 (likely) it looks silly. He swims but not in the lap lanes and always with his sunglasses on, even when he goes under water. Today he was with a woman. She iss much younger that he is and I could see that he adored her. At one point he decided to give her a back rub as she was laying on her stomach. He straddled her and was doing his best personal massage. I asked the head guard if I could blow my whistle and yell “Get a room!” She laughed and wondered if she could make an appointment. Maybe this could be a regular pool feature. Since there was hardly anyone at the pool, no children and they still had the important bits of clothing on, we let them do their thing.

The laps lanes stayed full but never three to a lane. I try to help swimmers and let them know who has been in which lanes the longest so they can play the odds to see who will finish first. I was wrong pretty much all day today.

At one point, I was on the deep stand. I see two swimmers in one lane heading right for each other. I blow my whistle hoping they will stop and look up. They do not stop and crash into each other head first. They stop, apologize and the man is intently asking the woman if she is all right. I can see he cares. Because I blew my whistle, the head guard came out as did the security guard. The head guard ran over to see if they were ok. By this time they were kissing. The men yells up to me, “This is how we met! We’ve been crashing into each other for 25 years.” I start laughing and so does everyone else with relief. No injury report needed for this one.

Things are quiet once again. I help a man in his 20’s or 30’s with tips on how to float. Floating face up is tough for men because of a lack of body fat. They need to try different things like not expecting legs to float below the knees, or sometimes holding their arms in different positions helps but above all zen like relaxation is needed. I doubt this guy will get the floating he wants but he should keep trying.

A little after dinner time, a man who had not been swimming came out of the men’s shower.

“Okay,” he yelled, I was the closest to hear him. “Who is the chicken shit who told me my five minutes in the shower is up? Oh it’s so easy to say shit behind a locked door but who is going to tell that to me face to face.”

I stared at him blankly because I had no idea what he was talking about. The men’s shower that the unhoused folks use is on the opposite side of the building with restrooms and the women’s shower is on the pool side. I never know who is lined up waiting for the men’s shower.

So this guy keeps yelling saying that it is impossible for him to take a 5 minute shower because it takes him that long to get out of his clothes. (I’ll bet if sex were the motivator, it would take him 10 seconds). Finally the guard on the other stand yells, “The sign says 5 minutes in the shower. Respect the rules and if you don’t like them, find other places to shower.”

Angry man calls the guard something rude then says we are violating his constitutional amendments by not letting him have a longer shower. He apparently used to work for the city and he knows people.

By this time the head guard and security guard come over to ask the man to leave. He is taking pics of all of us saying he is going to have us fired (I volunteered to take all the blame for this one since my last day is tomorrow, except there is no blame to be had). The man goes on and on about how we are violating his rights. He looks normal enough. If you saw him on the street you would not assume he was untethered. By now the lap swimmers have stopped and are watching the scene. One swimmer didn’t have his contacts in so I was giving him a play by play as we tried to figure out which amendment addresses how long you can shower at a city pool. The man says he will not leave. The head guard says she will call the police and walks toward the guard shack. The man continues to tell us that he will have us all fired and that is is no laughing matter. (I may have been laughing as we were naming constitutional amendments and creating out own) He leaves and all is quiet again. We fill out an incident report just in case he shows up again.

On week nights the pool is open until 8pm. This is insane because the lights don’t come on until 7:50. So from sundown until then, it is really hard to see swimmers in the pool. I listen for the splashes and talk to the ones who aren’t lap swimming. The guards yell to each other “Two lap swimmers, one in the shallow.” so we know where people are. As I sat on my deep water stand, I thought it would be cool if the swimmers wore glow sticks. Even those skinny ones that can be used like bracelets or necklaces. I posed this idea out loud and the shallow end swimmer LOVED it. She was going home to order them right after we closed. I may have to go back next week at night to see if everyone, even guards are wearing glow sticks. It is dangerously dark. At 7:50 the lights came on and I yelled “HALLELUJAH!!”

The pool closed ten minutes later. We cleaned the bathrooms, emptied the trash and were all grateful no one pooped on the floor of the shower.

Sorry no proof reading this one, too tired. maybe later….