It’s been two months since I left my director of photography job at the Statesman and I honestly thought I would have a clean house by now and be out riding my horses. No one ever warns you about all the stuff that comes with taking a VSO like getting new health insurance squared away, taking freelance jobs to build your new business and doing more networking than I ever did before. All except the insurance bit have been fun, reminding me that I like meeting new people.
Yesterday as I was headed to my teaching gig, The highway was completely shut down in one direction. I wondered what was going on and if the photo staff knew about it. There have been several occasions when I wanted to call the paper and ask if they were covering news I was seeing or hearing about but I remember that is not my job anymore. The reporters and editors there are working hard on their own projects. They don’t need help from me. I am not upset at this but old habits die hard. There has been news happening that I am thrilled that I don’t need to coordinate or figure out. It is unnerving though when I forget what day it is though.
I had some great memories over the years from my journalism career include flying a plane, driving a modified race car, learning falconry, shooting pro sports when there were not many women photographers on the sidelines. I’ve coordinated the visual coverage for the Super Bowl. Met celebrities like Pearl Jam at the NBA finals. Partied with Def Leppard after a show, this was much milder than one would image. These were earlier in my career though. The past twenty-six years in Austin have been filled with different sorts of assignments. After years of covering tornados, floods, fires and other weather events, it’s no wonder that I have PTSD when I hear about severe weather forecasts. Part of that trauma was because it was happening in my backyard and I was trying to juggle coverage and taking care of my farm and family at the same time. I can’t watch violent movies because I’ve have to edit photos of the real thing. Apocalyptic films are completely out of the question. I’ve seen too much coverage of real wars and disasters. I am bewildered how they can be entertainment. Years and years of photos have not desensitized me one iota. It seems to have gone the opposite way and after the Uvalde school shooting coverage, I just hit my limit. We try to be tough as journalist but we are still human beings with deep feelings. I wonder how my 30 some years as a journalist have affected my ability to trust people I’ve recently met. Be kind to former journalists, you never know what they have been through and how it has shaped their lives.
Nell Carroll Photography 